On Compassion: Forgive Yourself to Better Serve Others

At first glance, we might think we have nothing to forgive ourselves for. But you’d be surprised at what your mind holds onto—those tiny moments that replay over and over. That minor mistake you made in high school. The heart you broke in university. The time you said "yes" when you really meant "no." The words you wish you’d spoken but didn’t. And that’s just the surface. Beneath it all, there’s probably a daily cycle of self-criticism—1,000 little judgments you impose on yourself, over and over, every day.

In my experience, forgiving yourself for what we’ll call your "mistakes" is essential for both spiritual and personal growth. Without it, you'll remain stuck, trapped in a loop of "what ifs," wishing you’d done things differently. But you can’t move forward until you forgive. I’ve found daily invocations to Lord Ganesha—known as the remover of obstacles in the heart and mind—help immensely on this path to self-forgiveness and renewal. If you’re interested in learning more about Ganesha, let me know, and I’ll share more in the next edition!

Once you start the practice of forgiving yourself (note: this is a daily process, and the work is never truly done, sorry!), you might also begin to treat yourself with more kindness. In those moments when you say something you regret or act without thinking, instead of harsh judgment, offer yourself some compassion. Our human nature means there will always be something to forgive, again and again.

Now, think about how compassionate you are with your friends and their struggles. I bet you're a loving, kind friend who feels deeply for the people you care about when they’re going through tough times. You probably even try to help them. Of course you do.

What if you could extend that same level of love and compassion to yourself?

To cultivate self-compassion, I call on the energy of the fierce yet loving warrior goddess Durga. For me, Durga embodies the strength and compassion we need in times of crisis. A simple prayer, “Om doom Durgayei Namaha,” spoken, chanted, or whispered in devotion, is all it takes to reconnect with this cosmic sense of forgiveness and love for yourself.

I believe that self-compassion leads to a broader practice of compassion for others. Wars are waged by people fighting inner demons of pain and toxic beliefs. In a world full of suffering, it’s tempting to shut ourselves off and turn away from the pain. But the more we practice self-compassion, the more space we create for compassion toward others—not just those we love, but for all beings, everywhere.

I believe this is because as we release self-loathing and aversion (through daily practice of forgiveness), we clear space in our hearts. Suddenly, there’s more room for deep, universal love—a love that connects us all.

The English poet John Donne wrote: “Never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”  This echoes the ancient wisdom of yoga—passed down from Indian culture to the West—that we are here for a brief time to remember and awaken the divine love within us. When we reawaken that divine spark, we begin to see it in others. From this place of universal love, we can act—not out of anger or fear, but from a place of balanced, tempered activism, striving to create the world we wish to see.

3 Practices for Cultivating Self-Compassion:

  1. Place your hands lovingly on your heart center and say to yourself: “Everything is okay, just as it is. Nothing needs to change.”

  2. Open your heart and lungs with the simple techniques I’ve shared on my Instagram account here.

  3. Chant the mantra to the warrior goddess Durga three times: “Om doom Durgayei Namaha.”

Treat everyone you meet like they are God in drag.
— Baba Ram Dass
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